Holding onto Impossible
by Unknown lazy ass
Summary: “Are you sure about this? The whole school still thinks you’re a guy, what if they find out?” Oneshot: Olivia x Viola


**Holding onto Impossible.**

Disclaimer: I do not own the movie or the characters. Also I based this off of a fanfic called, _'She's dreaming through the noise.' _

* * *

Was it love at first sight? She can't even remember how it felt before she fell for him. In fact she can't even recall how she fell for him. Maybe it had all started outside of Gold's office, when her books got scattered on the floor, he had helped with his boyish smile. He looked flushed after querying where she had brought her shoes, but the flaw was absent to her ears, all she could see was a boy with a warm smile.

Almost as if fate had intended it, that hadn't been their last meeting, they caught eyes at lunch. It may sound strange, but she was certain he was staring right into her soul, almost as if the boy could feel the pain she bared. It made her stomach do flip-flops.

Was it really love?

What did she know about love? She was only a love-sick teenager.

"Sebastian?"

She smiled as his soft voice reached her ears, "Hmm?"

"You weren't suppose to cut that…"

He looks startled, his gaze pours into hers, apologies left unsaid is read. "Oh…what was I suppose to cut?" A nervous chuckle followed closely afterwards, he looks so adorable when he's embarrassed.

"The liver."

Suddenly his face pales and she's certain he's going to faint but he manages to hold onto his breakfast and carry on. Light-heartily he jokes, "Ha, I thought that was the liver. Sorry I'm not that great at probing a corpse."

She laughs softly and nods. With eyes dazed with affection she watches him as he tries to focus and dissect the proper organ. So she was a little bit obsessed, but was it really all that wrong to look at someone you like? "Sebastian?"

Once more he acknowledges her without glancing up, "Did I mess up again?'

"Huh?" Realizing what he referring to, she almost slaps herself for mistaken his words, "No, that's good."

He waits for her to continue, but after a minute of silence he asks, "So what's up?"

Suddenly her flames of courage and words of her undying love for him dies in her throat. Leaving her blank. "Umm…you're getting pretty good at this." She forces a smile, hoping he would buy the compliment.

He looks up and cocks a brow before laughing, "No need to lie. I know I'm terrible, but thanks."

She melts as he smiles, then he goes back into his own world, struggling with the lab. If only she had more nerve. Fists clench tightly then releases. _No, not yet. _

* * *

Time goes on and she sees more of him. As she gets to know him better, the deeper she falls. This feeling had to be love. She couldn't stop watching him. Listening to his every word. The gentle smile and hearty laugh he shares with his soccer buddies as they goof off. It was becoming more than a mere infatuation, still Sebastian hardly ever spent time with her outside of school. Personally she didn't blame him, it wasn't as if they had much in common. Anyone could see what a devoted soccer player Sebastian was. Maybe that was what made her so attracted to him, she did love a man with ambition. Well what ever it was, it was working. She had never felt this way before, not with the multiple boys she had dated, or the collage boy. So what was it that made Sebastian so appealing to her? He wasn't tall, and definitely not Brad Pitt. 

He catches her eyes, his surprised look melts into his boyish smile, happily he waves.

Now she remembers. This had to be love, what else could this warm feeling be? She smiles and waves back, she wants to be with him, but for now, just watching him was fine.

* * *

The world was a big place, so large, yet she had almost forgotten that there was life outside of Illyria. Seems that she isn't the only one awed by Paris. Sebastian looks around in wonder, having never been out of the country before. Her heart aches at the childish joy on his face. Lips move to a smile as he makes his way around. She raised her hand as in to touch his lips. Instead quickly tugging his sleeve she shows him other sights. Just to watch his face. Just to see the reaction. Just to share his happiness. 

Her heart races.

* * *

It was accidental, she hadn't known, she would've never dared. The door had been open, and Mr. Logan had been wondering, so she had volunteered to check. Unfortunately he was the last thing she found, and what she actually did find was the last thing she expected. Even in a million years, she couldn't have imagined, let alone guessed, of what awaited her on the other side of that door. Maybe she didn't want it to happen, sometimes she wonders of what would've happened if she hadn't tumbled in on her changing. Perhaps the ache in her heart wouldn't be existent, probably. 

"I wish you could've told me sooner." Sometime before she had fallen so deeply in love with her.

She smiles, "You're not mad?"

She wants to yell, cry, and sprawl on the ground like a child but she doesn't. Maybe she was still suffering from the shock, or maybe it was because she loved her so much. "No, of course not. Actually I'm happy, now I have a dear friend that I can go shopping with." A friendship, that was all that could ever exist between them. And even though she wouldn't admit it, it had hurt more than just a little.

* * *

"Are you sure about this? The whole school still thinks you're a guy, what if they find out?" 

"It's weird here. Besides I can't share the rooms with the other guys so it's kind of lonely." The other students would never know, they were on the other side of the hotel. Principle Gold had allowed Sebastian to have a room to himself, all thanks to him being a transfer student. Still the mere thought of sleeping in the same room as Viola made her throat tighten.

She glanced at her, she was striped down to a baggy shirt and boxers. She gulped and thanked the night for it's darkness, if it had been day her red face was sure to show. Now she thought about it, other than her superb soccer skills, Viola made a rather lame boy. Her eyes traced the silhouette of the girl, they weren't even a meter apart.

_I can't love another woman._

Why did that realization disappoint her? She snuggled deeper into her blankets and tried to ignore the fact her former crush was only feet away. Her will breaks, and subconsciously her eyes drift to her, it was hard to see but Viola was still awake. Was she just as bothered by this as she was? Did she regret inviting her? Did herself regret coming?

_This is wrong._

Her lips formed a sheepish smile as she noted the faint bruises and grass stains on the girl's arms from practice. This was their distance, they were almost from different worlds, and could hardly be considered of the same species. Still she could feel it building inside of her, something that couldn't be denied. Were these walls enough to contain it?

"It's beautiful out here. I'm really glad I was able to come."

She knows she referring to the view outside, still it unnerves her and yet at the same moment, makes her warm inside. Viola tilts her head and smiles at her. It's the smile that she fell in love with, it's warm and inviting, her heart starts to throb.

_I swear, I don't want this._

Her eyes are still that shade of green, the same eyes that greeted her in the mornings, the ones that looked into her soul, the pair that made her heart flutter. Those eyes she loved, and still do love.

_I know I don't want this._

She wants to cry and maybe it shows, for the familiar smile drops and a face full of concern and care greets her. Her lips are slightly open and her eyebrows are crunched up, and those green eyes reflect nothing but worry.

_I don't want this._

"Are you alright? You look pale."

It's that voice, Sebastian's voice, her voice. Like her eyes, it full of affection, slowly Viola's hand reaches out, and crosses over the gap between them, closing it by lightly touching her forehead. Her hand it so warm and soft.

_There's a reason not to want this_

_…but I forgot. _

* * *

Her face feels hot as Viola's head leaned against her shoulder. Closing her eyes she tries to ignore the warmth coming off of the soccer player but her heart races and her ears are burning while her stomach is turning. She promises herself a mere peek, nothing more than a quick glance. Viola's brown locks frame her face and her lips showing a ghost of a smile, she couldn't look away. Her cheeks burn red, and her heart skips a beat. Swallowing hard she shifts. 

_This means nothing._

In the background she was certain she could hear Duke fuming while the other guys hooting. But at the moment all she could see was the girl before her. She could only hear the soft breaths being exchanged. She wants to kiss her…

She didn't move.

* * *

When the plane stops Viola stirs awake and yawns. She could feel her stiffen as the girl's eyes flutter open, immediately traces of fear and confusion cloud her beautiful eyes until only guilt remains. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to use you as a pillow…"

She holds onto her breath and listening to her voice, she finally catches the meaning, "No problem, besides it's my fault you didn't get enough sleep last night." Her face turns a shade of red, it almost sounded as if she was flirting. Shaking her head she manages a weak smile. Viola does not notice the double meaning of her words, and smiles back.

Viola turns to face her and looks into her eyes, before cheerfully asking, "Did you have fun?" She enjoyed their time in Paris, it was a beautiful country and she would love to come back yet she had a feeling it wasn't the sceneries and building that stole her breathe. Nothing could quite compare to the smile that appeared on Viola's lips as they passed by the tourist attractions.

_I think I love you._

The words she couldn't say, they were everything and yet nothing. "Yeah, it was really pretty." She stares back before breaking contact, she wants to cry and she doesn't know why. It hurts, just looking at her, maybe it was the fact that they could never be. Or that Viola would never feel the same way she does. Either way her eyes swell with tears that remain unshed.

_I know I love you._

Viola stops in mid-sentence as her shoulder start to shake, it hurt so bad. Who was this girl that stood before her? Who was she to make her feel so sad, and yet so happy with a mere smile? This stranger in a shell of a lover? She had fallen for her without even realizing it. She had come to realize though, that it was more like a falling. A gradual falling, of which she had had no control over.

_I can't stop loving you._

This girl had so much control over she, and yet she so little over her. She could feel Viola's hand touching her shoulder and blurs of words full of worry and love. Love, so strong yet fragile, mutual love, the only thing that could be shared between them. Never anything more, impossible for anything more. Tears fall and paint the floor.

_I can never tell you this._

* * *

They form a line and exit quietly, outside Viola's father is there to pick her up. "Well anyway," Viola says to her, "I'll see you around." School would start again and life would go on. This trip had changed everything and yet nothing. 

_Loving him was easy, loving her is impossible. _

_And yet, I still hold on. _

* * *

Author's Note: 

I am a super lazy arse, so this actually took me a week to write. So I hope you guys enjoyed it, my first story of STM, but not the last. Lots of references to the song Recessional.


End file.
